I Can't Leave You
by Philisnotonfirebecause
Summary: Bucky gets drafted, and has to tell Steve that he's got to leave.


The light shining through the threadbare curtains woke Bucky. It was only a moment until he felt the small frail body pressed up against him. He smiled to himself, he loved waking up with Steve wrapped tightly in his arms. Most of the day was difficult, trying to earn enough money to pay the rent, buy food and help get Steve through art school. Every day he came home tired and worked to the bone but it was times like this that he didn't mind at all. He knew Steve deserved all that, and more, and he was happy to do it for him.

Leaving Steve asleep, he got up. He was only wearing boxers but the flat was warm so it didn't bother him. It was mid-morning on a Saturday morning, neither lad had any commitments that day so they could just lounge about the flat relaxing all day. He walked through the flat, making some coffee as he walked through the kitchen. He passed the front door, picking up the mail as he went. He threw it on the table without even looking at it as it was usually spam. He sat down, mug of coffee in his hand and eyes blankly staring at the post without realising it.

Realising he was staring at it, he thought he may as well open any that was addressed to him. He had a quick sort through all the spam and found only one addressed to him. It didn't take him long to rip it open and begin reading it. As he got towards the end of the letter his heart stopped, beginning to realise what it was that was actually happening right now.

He was being drafted. He had to go to war. He had to leave Steve behind.

He couldn't do that; he needed Steve as much as Steve needed him. Leaving Steve would absolutely break his heart. He read the letter again. And again. And twice more. The last time he finally noticed that the salary was written at the bottom of the page, and that basically made his mind up for him. It was a lot, much more than he was earning down at the docks, and it would mean that Steve would be able to comfortably afford the rent and food. It would make Steve's life much easier, and so that was it.

He'd seen the news, knew how many soldiers died over there. And deep down, he knew he'd be joining them too. Once he left Brooklyn that would be that, he wouldn't see Steve again. But the money would do wonders for Steve. He wouldn't need it himself, not where he was going. And sure, Steve would miss him, but he would understand, eventually. Steve would do the same thing if he was in Bucky's position. And they could still write letters, couldn't they? Before the worst happened?

Bucky had zoned out, got lost in his own mind, and so hadn't noticed Steve walk into the room. He didn't notice until Steve pressed a kiss to his temple as he walked past, on his way

"What'cha got there?" Steve asked as he took the first sip of his drink.

"Nothing important, just spam again" Bucky responded as he pushed the letter back into the envelope and placing that under his drink. He'd go down to the nearest recruitment center later that day to see if he could get out of it, but he didn't have high hopes. "So, school today?"

"School today." Steve nodded. He was only in his boxers too, his ribs clearly visible on his torso, but Bucky couldn't think of anyone prettier. Sure, Steve definitely wasn't big and muscle-y, but he had the sweetest face, the most amazing blue eyes, the most delicate yet perfect body. Everyone always assumed he was weak, just one glance and they would dismiss him, but he was exactly the opposite. He had basically every disease under the sun, and yet he was still alive and kicking, quite literally, as he was always getting into fights too, fights he could never hope to win. He took a beating every time, but he would always get back up, always get in another fight the very next day. It was like the whole world was out to hurt Steve Rogers, but Steve just kept on going anyway. Bucky loved him and admired him. He was perfect; he was determined to show the world that one day.

Waking out of the recruitment center, Bucky was feeling a whole range of emotions; anger, sadness, heartbreak, frustration and even shame. They were making him go; he was angry and frustration that he wouldn't understand why he had to stay. He was sad and heartbroken that he would have to leave Steve. And he was ashamed because everyone in that damn building had assumed he was a coward and a deserter and just trying to find a way to stay home, which wasn't the case. If Steve was well enough to enlist (which he would do in a heartbeat, he'd tried already twice) and they could both go together, that wouldn't be so bad. He would happily fight for his country, as long as Steve was by his side.

Now he just had to find a way to tell Steve that he had to leave, in only 3 weeks' time too. He didn't have a clue where to even begin, but at least he had another 4 hours before Steve got back from art school that day.

 _Bucky was sat on the sofa, staring into the silence, when Steve walked through the front door. Straight away Steve knew something was up with Bucky, he was never like this. Dropping his bag on the floor, he went over to the sofa and dropped down next to Bucky, pressing up against him._

"What's wrong?"

The one simple question was like a punch to his stomach. Now was the time to tell Steve, but he just couldn't find the words to do it. He'd had a little speech planned out, but it had flown right out of his mind as soon as Steve asked the question.

Without even thinking, he pulled the now crumpled letter out of his pocket and handed it to Steve, letting him read it for himself. He kept his eyes on the floor in front of him as Steve read it, silently waiting for his reaction but too scared to look at his face, knowing the pain he would see on it. They had talked about this before, they had both hoped that this day would never come.

"Maybe you could talk to them…? Explain –" Steve's voice was so small, it almost matched his physique, but Bucky cut him off before he could finish.

"I tried, this morning, but they weren't having it. They thought I was a deserter, making it all up. I have to go." Bucky's voice was just as small as Steve's had been. They both sat there for a moment, in complete silence, before Steve finally spoke again.

"When?" It was barely a whisper but, in the silence, Bucky heard him perfectly. He sighed before responding.

"3 weeks." He could see Steve's reaction out of the corner of his eyes; his eyes closed before he pressed his forehead against Bucky's shoulder. They stayed like that for a long time, not talking, not moving.

 _3 weeks. 3 damn weeks. That was all he had left until Bucky left him. He should be going with him, he should be strong enough, he should try again, but lie this time, fake his enlistment form as much as he could and then –_

 _Was Bucky shaking?_

 _He looked up at Bucky's face, and his heart broke at what he saw. Bucky was crying. Tears rolling down his face, and Steve didn't know how to make it any better. The best he could do was to move himself into Bucky's lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling Bucky's head against his chest, just holding him as he began to cry harder._

 _He pressed a kiss to his temple, unsure of what to say but also knowing that he didn't have to say anything, just being there was enough. Bucky looked up at him, his eyes red and his face wet, before he leaned forward to kiss Steve, properly, passionately. It surprised Steve for a moment, thinking that now definitely wasn't the time for that kind of entertainment, but then he realised that Bucky needed this, needed to know that Steve was there right now, right here. He wanted Bucky too, he just didn't want to do this for the wrong reason._

 _Steve kissed him back, pulling Bucky even closer. He felt Bucky's hand move to the buttons on his shirt, undoing them as quickly as his shaking hands could. He wasn't wasting any time tonight._

 _Steve's shirt was off after a matter of moments and as soon as his arms were free he begun trying to pull Bucky's shirt up over his head. They broke the kiss just long enough for the shirt to pass over Bucky's head before their lips crashed together again._

 _"_ _Maybe we should go to the bedroom?" Steve mumbled against Bucky's lips. Bucky just grunted and pushed Steve further into the sofa, gently saying that they should definitely stay on the sofa._

 _"_ _As much as I want to have sex with you on our sofa, Buck, we don't have any lube in this room, one of us is going to have to go get some." Bucky stopped at these words and put his forehead against Steve's shoulder. Just as Steve thought he was about to give up, Bucky's arms wrapped around him and effortlessly picked him up, heading in the direction of the bedroom, his lips moving to Steve's neck as he began to leave hickies where he kissed._

 _Steve couldn't help but moan, it was got to him when Bucky did that. He was so preoccupied with the lips on his neck that he didn't even notice that they'd gotten to the bedroom until Bucky threw him down on the bed. He liked it when Bucky was a little rough with him, everyone else treated him like he would snap in half in a gentle breeze, but not Bucky, Bucky knew he could be a little more tough, knew he could take it, and that he loved it._

 _As soon as Steve's back hit the bed, Bucky was back on top of him, his hands now going to the shorts he was wearing. It was only a moment before the shorts and his boxers were both on the floor, his cock now hard and Bucky rubbed against him. He had just enough concentration left to think about how unfair it was that Bucky still had at least some clothes on whilst Steve himself was completely naked._

Bucky loved it when Steve looked like this. He was gorgeous, his eyes half-closed every time he ran his hand over his cock, teasing him a little more each time. Normally he'd revel in this stage a little more, but right now he needed Steve, needed to know that, for now, Steve was his, and he was here.

He reached down under the bed, his hand finding the small bottle of lube straight away, and quickly squeezed some out onto his hand. He kissed Steve forcefully as his hand moved down between them, until his fingers found their mark. Steve's hole quivered under his touch, begging for Bucky to just get on with it. Steve himself was a mess, moan and begging but most of it wasn't English, just vowels and consonants thrown together in the hopes of making sense. But that was okay, Bucky knew exactly what he wanted anyway.

Slowly, he pushed a finger inside, watching Steve squirm at the intrusion. He loves watching Steve like that, falling apart because of him, giving him exactly what he wants. He goes slowly, taking his time pushing the finger in until he's knuckle deep. He can feel Steve's breath on his neck as the muscles around his finger pulse around him. He pauses for a minute, to make sure Steve's really okay, before the smaller man's hips begin to jerk, begging for him to move. And so, he does.

He pulls his finger almost all the way out, before pushing it back in again, much faster than the first time. Keeping the rhythm up, he pushed his lips up against Steve's again, kissing the smaller man beneath him. Steve's arms wrapped around Bucky's neck, pulling him as close as he could get him. He was whimpering and moaning like there was no tomorrow, most of it muffled against Bucky's mouth.

Bucky was beginning to get even more desperate now, he could feel how tight the shorts he was still wearing had become. Without taking his fingers out of Steve, he sat up slightly and began to awkwardly try to push them off with only one hand. Steve laughed in between moans before helping. They were thrown to the floor in no time.

It only took another second before Bucky had gotten a condom out from the same place the lube had been and Steve, being the only one with two spare hands, had slipped it on him in one swift motion.

"You ready?" Bucky breathed, barely above a whisper. Steve just nodded in response, spreading his legs a little wider. They'd done this countless times, but every time Bucky still felt that little ball of nerves, of anticipation, in the pit of his stomach before he finally fucked Steve. This time was no different; that same ball of energy formed in his gut as he slowly pushed his cock inside Steve.

Steve's eyes closed as his whole body tensed up, his hands gripping Bucky's shoulders above him. Every few seconds Bucky would stop and wait a moment, letting Steve slow get used to the intrusion, before burying himself a little deeper inside his boyfriend. It took a couple minutes before he was balls deep, but once he was he could see Steve breathing deeply, trying to relax his body and get used to the stretch. He ran one hand down the side of Steve's face, trying to help calm him, and it seemed to do the trick as a few seconds later Steve began to squirm beneath him and mumbled "move" so quietly Bucky nearly didn't hear him.

But how could he possibly say no? And so he did move. He pulled out, until just his tip remained inside Steve, before pushing back in, hard. Steve gasps and pulled at the bed sheets he was lying on as Bucky kept up the hard pace; neither man was going to last long at this rate.

As if on cue, Bucky's thrusts became erratic and his hand moved from Steve's hip to his cock, pumping his fist up and down, determined to get Steve to finish before he did.

"Buck..God… Fuck don't stop" Was all it took before Steve was cumming, his cum making a pool on his stomach as Bucky kept going. A few stray tears rolled down Steve's face as he came; Bucky was just about to wipe them away when he felt his own orgasm overtake him, his thrusts becoming sloppy inside Steve and his hand around Steve's cock going still. Once done, and out of breath, he collapsed over Steve, his forehead coming to rest on the middle of the smaller man's chest, and he pulled out and slid the condom off.

"I'm not sure what exactly I was expecting when I had to tell you I was leaving in a few weeks, but I do know that that definitely wasn't it" Bucky laughed, out of breath. Steve just wrapped his arms around Bucky's head, pulling him up for a quick kiss, and added:

"We'll make it work"


End file.
